FOR WISE WOMEN ONLY!? (Part 1)

By Helen Jesze, 24/07/2015

“Every wise woman builds her house: but the foolish plucks it down with her hands,”

Proverbs 14, 1 KJV

“A wise woman builds her home, but a foolish woman tears it down with her own hands,”

Proverbs 14, 1 New Living Translation

Moonlight and Roses

Before I was married, a pastor’s wife said to me: “Ah, you young girls! You think that marriage is all moonlight and roses – but a good marriage has to be built!” At the time I thought it a shame that this lady did not have too much romance in her marriage, but mine would be different! Later I realised that this was a ‘wise woman’, who knew what she was talking about.

Our Scripture reading today clearly shows that it takes effort, patience, diligence and faithfulness to build your marriage, one brick upon another, strongly sealing and supporting them with the mortar of prayer and forgiveness, to keep those bricks together. Now, after forty-nine years of marriage to my dear husband, George, let me share with you some of these ‘bricks’ .

The handsome prince

Many girls dream of a handsome man who will one day sweep them off their feet, like the prince who carried the village maid to his castle and married her. These are romantic dreams which seldom happen, and a wise woman will seek God’s choice of a husband. At first sight, he may not be the one which you would choose yourself, but he may have a special part in God’s plan for your life, and as God sees our Tomorrows as well as our Todays, He knows what is best. You will be given love for that man and will discover that he has qualities which you did not see before, when you looked on the outward appearance only. Also, God will use you to develop his life and become the person He wants him to be.

No more problems

We imagine that when we have found our ‘prince’ everything will be wonderful. He will sort out every problem we have, we can rely on him spiritually and otherwise, forgetting that he has also brought into the marriage his own ‘bag’ of insecurities, problems or complexes. Now we expect him to carry his ‘bag’ and ours, and this causes problems. No man, however wonderful he is, can give you all the help and love you need, only Jesus can do this.

There is a place in your heart which only God can fill and we need to develop our own prayer life and relationship with the Lord, not relying just on our husband to get God’s answer or guidance. There will be times God will speak to your husband and times He will speak to you, and it takes time, trust and patience to learn to walk together. Let God change you, healing you in spirit, soul and body and you will begin to see and react differently, which will help your marriage.

Adjustment

Cheer up! Don’t be overdramatic if he’s left the toilet-seat up again, never puts the toothpaste cap on and leaves two little rolls of dirty socks on the floor for you to pick up! All newlyweds have a time of adjustment, whether in just living together or in the sexual area, or you may have moved to a different place and are feeling lonely. Don’t grab the phone and tell all your troubles to your mother or your best friend. There are things which are only between you and your husband, and we must learn to respect this and keep our counsel to ourselves. You and your husband may come from a different culture or nation. Here too, you must learn to adjust.

He is only lent to you

Never forget you have been entrusted with the life of another person. You can make or break your husband. Our husbands and children are only lent to us, not given for our sole pleasure, people whom we say we love, yet whom we seek to manipulate. Wives and grandmothers have a rare opportunity to influence and sow positive seeds into the lives of their families. When Russia was under Communist domination, it was often the older grandmothers who told the atheistically brought-up children that there was a God, and His Son Jesus died for them, so lighting the spiritual torch for the next generation.

Men think differently

My husband always says he knows why men don’t understand women; it’s because Adam was asleep when God made Eve! Well, whether this is the case or not…?!

My mother had a scar on her wrist. She told me that just after they were married, one morning she and my father had a quarrel. My mother was so upset that when she was cutting bread the knife slipped, and she cut her wrist. My father came happily home that night after work and never referred to the incident. He had forgotten it while my mother had cried all day.

While women tend to ‘steer’ from the heart or from their emotions, men steer from their mind and think more logically. Something which may upset you terribly, may be soon forgotten by your husband. This does not necessarily show a lack of love. He may need to grow in understanding but you may need to get things in perspective and “pull down imaginations” in the Name of Jesus.

Keep the home clean and tidy

A Christian lady came to me for counselling and she cried for two hours about her husband, who did not want to get saved and who hit her so hard that black bruises covered her face. She told people she had fallen down. The husband was a respected medical doctor, and although she did not want to say that he had hit her, yet she felt it was wrong for her to lie continually.

I asked, “Birgit, is there anything your husband wants you to do and you’re not doing it?” “Oh yes, he’s always telling me to tidy up the house and he often trips over my shoes.” “Where are the shoes then?” “In the middle of the hall floor!”

In 1 Peter 3, 1 wives are told that unsaved husbands can be brought to faith by the good conduct of their wives, not always by preaching at them and leaving Gospel tracts around for them to read, while neglecting the duties of the home. It has been said that many women want to find out how to have authority over the devil, but they haven’t learnt how to have authority over a sink of dirty dishes yet!

Christian women are often ‘super-spiritual’, not realising that God will be glorified in our lives not just by going to meetings and trying to save the lost, but by looking after the husband, children and home we have been given.

Jealous husbands

Unsaved husbands are sometimes jealous of this ‘Jesus’ who now has such a large place in the heart of his wife. George was in a meeting in Switzerland where an unsaved husband came to kill the pastor, for he was convinced that his wife, who had become a Christian a few months before, was having an affair with the pastor. This was not true. She was coming to worship God and was hungry to grow spiritually, but was not always wise by going to too many meetings and not giving enough time and attention to her own husband.

By the way, the pastor escaped from the church, but in the night the husband came to the pastor’s home, and he escaped yet again, by shinning down the drain-pipe in his night-shirt, and hiding among the bushes in the garden! George and the evangelist couple he was interpreting for, slept in other rooms and never knew about any of the excitement that had taken place in the night, until they came down to breakfast!

End of Part 1

Prayer: Heavenly Father, make us the women, wives, mothers and grandmothers YOU want us to be! Shine your light through us today! Thank you for forgiving our mistakes and picking us up again, encouraging and helping us in the daily joys and challenges we face in the family. In Jesus’ Name, Amen.